• Gina Vernon

Take 25

I just wish we could stay on the phone a long time like she does with everyone else. I guess we're not close. Gah, I wish we were close. I've seen people have close relationships with their parents. They talk & laugh with each other. They share the same interests. They hug each other. The parents say, "I love you" first. The parents show affection. They give their kids the "feel good" motivation they need. I wish I had that. All I get is tough love. If I had kids, I think I would've given them tough love but also affection. I hated the "do what I say" after I ask why. Then get mad & want to beat me because I went against them to find out why. Then again I don't know anything about parenting. If parenting is all about beating & yelling at kids, then, I thank You, God, for not allowing me to have kids. Damn, can I have a parent who will help me up if I fall? Not just look at me struggling to get up or ignoring me while I'm down. Can I have a parent I can have fun with? Can I have a parent I can just be myself around? Can I get the affection I need from that parent? I think I'm going to put myself up for adoption again. I have 3 parents & couldn't get not one of them to show me affection; let alone have a great healthy relationship with them. Nope. I'm looking for a new mommy. Not to raise me again, but, to be emotionally available for me. I spent the bulk of my childhood crying for my bio parents to save me. When I actually met them & got to know them, I was highly disappointed; devastated. Anywho...I'm going to sleep in a few minutes. Take care.

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