I'm not going to take up much of your time with this subject, because, frankly, I don't have that much time to discuss it. I hate religion. I've hated it from childhood. Religion has too many rules. Rules that I don't plan on following. I was raised as a Christian. You can only get to God through Jesus Christ. Christianity is confusing. Maybe the Bible is more confusing. I'm confused. 🤷🏽♀️ The Bible says I shouldn't be gay. The Bible says I shouldn't have sex before marriage. The Bible says blah blah blah. Now, don't get me wrong. I like Proverbs. It's all about wisdom. When I tried to follow everything in the Bible, I found myself going crazy! Now that I got away from it, I feel so much better; so free! God, yes! Years ago, some Christians told me that it's all about our relationship with God. So it's more about a spiritual relationship with God than whatever is written in the Bible. I believe in a higher power. I believe something created earth & everything on it & around it.
This shit just didn't appear out of thin air. I love spirituality. Spirituality makes me feel better about myself. Spirituality doesn't shame me. I don't have to prove shit to anyone. I can be myself. I can fuck women. I can love woman. All before getting married to one. I only want one wife or partner.
When I was younger, I fucked both men & women because I was trying to figure out my sexuality. So, I guess I was bisexual? I don't know the rules. Nah, I wasn't bisexual because I wasn't attracted to men. I was keeping up appearances. Religion had me fucked up in my head. "Damn if I do, damn if I don't" type of thing. If I fuck a dude before marriage, I'm going to hell. If I fuck a female, I'm going to hell.
To be honest, I've never really enjoyed sex with a guy; even when I lost my virginity to a guy. What a waste of time & energy. Guys would fuck me & I would lie there unsatisfied & bored like "oh, you're done". I got up, got dressed, then, left. Then, I just stopped fucking guys. I had no sexual desire for them. None. I focused on women. Women are all I ever wanted. That 1st piece of ass I got was good! I was sprung. I was like a little puppy following her grown ass everywhere. I knew she wasn't for me, so I moved on. Eventually.
In due time, I told certain friends & family members I was a lesbian. Some of them wasn't shocked. I told my adopted mom twice & she laughed both times. I just left her alone about my sexuality. My mom is old school. She's religious. She was raised in the segregated south. She would probably disown me if I made her understand I was a lesbian. I told my bio fam. They were cool with it. My bio mom hates the LGBT community, but, she accepted me. Eventually. Who knew of all the people, my bio mom would accept my sexuality? I never threw it up in people's faces. Hell, I was so secretive about my dating life, no one knew when I was dating; even when I dated guys. Damn! I never told people too much of my business. I just didn't trust them. Plus, my business did not involve them. Gah!
I had my share of women when I was younger. Shit, some of them were married to men. Some had wives or girlfriends or boyfriends. I didn't care at the time. The pussy was good. I treated women like objects. I was behaving like a man. Their spouse would come home & I would jump out of the window. Like, why am I jumping out of windows? I'm a female. Dude is not threatened by me. Yet. One time, I was in the house when the husband came home. He even asked if I was staying for dinner! 🤣 I was evil. I ate dinner with them. I enjoyed the meal. I enjoyed the conversation. Just before I bolted out of the house, I told the husband, "I just finished fucking your wife before you got home. Like, literally. I was still putting on my clothes when you walked into the house." "What the fuck?" "You should fuck your wife more often. Thanks for the meal!" Yeah, I bolted out of there like The Flash. I got into my car & sped off like I was in Slaughter Race! 🤣 I was a coward for leaving chick there defenseless against her husband. 🤦🏽♀️ Damn, I was young & wild.
I'm grown now. I'm ready to settle down. I don't fuck around like I used to. I don't see the point. I can't even tell you most of those women's names. I've never been in a romantic relationship. It was always sex & I'm out. I'm more spiritual & more grounded & wiser now. I don't regret my sexual experiences. Well, I don't regret most of them. Religion keeps us restrained. Spirituality lets us be ourselves. Sexuality is just...sexy.