I just don't want to mess things up. Not the job. The job is good.
I think I apply so much pressure on myself until I usually say, "fuck it, I'm not going to even try". Not this time. You cannot begin to fathom the fear & worry that goes through my mind constantly on a daily basis. This shit is not normal. Once again, this stems from childhood. Why can't I get past anxiety? 🤷🏽♀️ I always have a fear of failing at something because I was always chastised for making mistakes. I get yelled at or beat down for making innocent mistakes. So I have this anxiety of "if I try, I will fail". Most times, I actually fail when I try. 🤔 Then again, I fail when I don't try because all I'm doing is hurting myself. Damned if I do. Damned if I don't. So I owe it to myself to try. That is my new year's resolution & for the rest of my life. I owe it to myself to try every option that is available to me. If there aren't any options available, I have to create them. One of those options is bound to work. 🤷🏽♀️ I will not know unless I try. I'm Charlie Brown. Life is Lucy with the football. One of these days I'm going to kick Lucy in the face, take her football, then, kick it up her ass. Sometimes you have to get grimy when you've had enough of the bullshit. As far as the anxiety goes, I'm working on it. As far as Charlie Brown, I've admired him since early childhood. He & I are so much alike until it's not even funny.